


The Senad Virtual Luau

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M, Senslash Fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 02:48:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The compiled contributions to the Virtual Luau held on the Senad Discussion List from June 8 through June 11, 1999.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Senad Virtual Luau

 

 

## The Senad Virtual Luau

by Many and Varied

* * *

**THE SENAD VIRTUAL LUAU**

Compiled by Jane Mailander

These are the compiled contributions to the Virtual Luau held on the Senad Discussion List from June 8 through June 11, 1999. For purposes of brevity I have expunged parts of the e-mails that do not relate to the ongoing luau in some way. I have also co rrected spelling errors.

Private e-mail contributions (i.e., not sent to Senad) have been added with the permission of the contributors.

Because luau contributions were made under several subject lines, I've left them in as a source of amusement and bewilderment as to the leaps in logic required to go from, say, meerkats to fire-walking.

(By the way, there were no less than four volunteers who offered their services as suntan lotion stewards for the partygoers -- myself, Kathy E-M, Deb , and MelSharon. K'Kathy wound up with the thankless task of slathering cocoa butter all over Jim's and Blair's bodies.)

Wahini o hane, aloha!

* * *

* * *

* * *

Setting: Virtual Waikiki Beach, Virtual Hawaii  
Dates: June 8-11, 1999 (Real Time)

Participants:

>From _The Sentinel_ \-- Det. Jim Ellison, Blair Sandburg, Capt. Simon Banks, Rafe, H Brown, Coroner Dan Wolf, Inspector Megan Connor, Alex Barnes, David Lash

>From _One West Waikiki_ \-- Det. Mack Wolfe, Nui Shaw, Kimo

>From the Pacific Ocean -- Fred the elephant seal

>From SenAd <Senad@list1.channel1.com> \-- all listmembers

* * *

Instigator:

Jane E. Mailander 

with the generous contributions and assistance of:

allison french   
Angie T   
Ann-Margret Parke   
Barbara Garrett   
Brighid   
Candy A.   
Danny & Dexter   
Deb   
deka   
dewey and sallye heintz   
Duranee <  
Emerald   
Erilyn   
GRWC   
Helmboy   
JENCATm  
Kari Masoner   
Kathy E-M   
Linda Septer   
lisa germain-lacroix   
Madeira H   
Majicgirll  
MelSharon  
Myrna Mimi   
Pamela Y. Latham >  
ratgirl kinski   
Ravenwing   
REDSOPRANO  
Rosemary Delvecchio   
S. Mallet [AKA Marmoset]   
seabreez   
TShark16  
Victoria   
Wicce26

* * *

* * *

* * *

Date: Tue, 18 May 1999 21:29:59 -0500  
From: dewey and sallye heintz   
Subject: Senad: re: THR - 5/18

In a message dated 5/18/99 6:33:22 PM Pacific Daylight Time, deka writes:

<< I'll supply the marshmallows! The network is gonna go down real fast by cancelling the best show they had!>>

Then Tex wrote:

>I'll bring the barbecue tools and work the spit. I just love roast pig!<

Hey, let's make it a luau! But someone from the Islands will have to bring the Poi and Opi'i! Nothing like Kalua Pig! Umm umm Maybe we can get Mac to dance for us!

Sallye  
Texas Tribe

* * *

Date: Tue, 18 May 1999 23:01:34 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: dewey and sallye heintz   
Subject: Re: Senad: re: THR - 5/18

On Tue, 18 May 1999, dewey and sallye heintz wrote:

> Maybe we can get Mac to dance for us!

Ooh! Ooh! Samoan dancing, Mac! Shirt off! Bare feet! Slap those pecs! Yowza! Shaka!!!

...Better yet, let's do a _real_ old-fashioned Hawai'i barbecue, involving a couple of trussed network executives and an active volcano...

Jane M.

Pele! Pele! Pele! Pele! Pele! Pele! Pele! Pele!

* * *

Date: Wed, 19 May 1999 09:13:33 -0500  
From: deka   
To: "Jane E. Mailander"   
Subject: Re: Senad: re: THR - 5/18

I got a couple of real long poles and some fine rope here!

Tricia

Pele! Pele! Pele! Pele! Pele! Pele! Pele! Pele!

* * *

Date: Wed, 19 May 1999 11:09:42 EDT  
From: Wicce26  
Subject: Re: Senad: re: THR - 5/18

<< ...Better yet, let's do a _real_ old-fashioned Hawai'i barbecue, involving a couple of trussed network executives and an active volcano...  >>

Sacrifice 'em to the Great Programming God for crimes against humanity and decent television while we dance the Fertility Dance dressed as Jim and Blair. Okay, maybe not the _fertility_ dance...

Tex

* * *

Date: Wed, 19 May 1999 22:44:19 EDT  
From: MegaRouge  
Subject: Re: Senad: re: THR - 5/18

<< << ...Better yet, let's do a _real_ old-fashioned Hawai'i barbecue, involving a couple of trussed network executives and an active volcano...

Wait, don't those sacrifices have to be Virgins? Oh, that's right! ....Never mind! :-D

MR, the Evil One

* * *

Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 18:00:42 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
Subject: Re: Senad: RE: Senad another article on UPN

On Fri, 21 May 1999 Wicce wrote:

> In a message dated 5/21/99 10:01:48 AM Pacific Daylight Time,  
> madeira_h writes:  
>  
<SNIPS>  
>  
> UPN party games!  
>  
> How 'bout "Play In Traffic" and "Pin the Tail on the Slimy Homophobe"?

Good. We need outdoor games for our Virtual UPN Network Exec Luau Roast. Who wants to build the party this weekend?

Jane, off catching a tofu pig for vegetarian luau-ers

* * *

Date: Mon, 7 Jun 1999 20:41:19 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
Subject: Re: Senad: new thought

<SNIPS>

Jane

definitely ready to start a virtual Ostrich Jim/Blair Beach Party Luau. I'll catch the tofu pig for the vegetarians, start heating up the rocks!

* * *

Date: Tue, 8 Jun 1999 20:44:46 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: JENCAT  
Subject: Re: Senad: new discussion

On Tue, 8 Jun 1999 JENCAT wrote:

<SNIPS>

> Jenny, glad there are some fun threads going now too....

Anyway, I'm still trying to gather volunteers for the Jim/Blair Virtual Luau. Mack Wolfe's organizing the thing, of course, so he and Doc Holly are coming, and the OWW gang. Who else should be there?

Jane

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 19:46:59 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: seabreez   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

I've been trying to start a Virtual Luau since TSbBS, as kind of a wrap party thing.

<SNIPS>

[T]hey're jumping into the surf at last.

Works for me. I'm barefootin'! Wooo!!!

Jane M.

born and raised in L.A.

* * *

Date: Tue, 8 Jun 1999 21:05:26 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"  
To: REDSOPRA1  
Subject: Re: Senad: Meerkat Sentinels (article in the NY Times)

<SNIPS>

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm trying to run a Virtual Luau. I've got to go put suntan oil on Jim's back -- oh, _damn_ , Blair beat me to it.

Jane M

cool! Who sent the crate of cherimoya? slice it up with the pineapple...

* * *

Date: Tue, 8 Jun 1999 20:17:37 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: Ravenwing   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

On Tue, 8 Jun 1999, Ravenwing wrote:

> Went shopping over the weekend with a friend (Hi Mindy!) and found this  
> really awful Hawaiian shirt. It was so ugly I had to buy it!<g>.  
>  
> Went home, watched SenToo(p2) and lo and behold... it's the exact same  
> pattern as the shirt Blair was wearing!

Good! Bring it to the Virtual Luau!

Um, you'll be the one wearing it. Blair's wearing a grass skirt right now, and looks like Mack's giving him hula lessons. I can hear Jim grinding his teeth from here....

Jane M.

* * *

Date: Tue, 08 Jun 1999 23:26:48 +0000  
From: Ravenwing   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

> Um, you'll be the one wearing it. Blair's wearing a grass skirt right > now, and looks like Mack's giving him hula lessons.

Oh goody! Everybody LIMBO! Want to see just how flexible Blair really is!

Waiting for Don Ho to show up with his wife Heidi, and his brothers Land and Gung.

Ravenwing  
(ducking behind the roast pig and poi!)

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 08:38:14 -0400  
From: "Pamela Y. Latham"   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

At 11:26 PM 6/8/99 +0000, Ravenwing wrote:

>Waiting for Don Ho to show up with his wife Heidi, and his brothers Land  
>and Gung.

Wait a minute! Don Ho has a wife named Heidi? Does that make her Heidi Ho? LOL!!! My apologies to the 'Ho' family! <grin> Just kidding! I'm brushing the sand off of my grass skirt from Jane's last Virtual Luau even as I write. I and want to go on record right now and deny those erroneous stories about me, Mack, and the lei!! Now that I've cleared _that_ up, I can't wait to stand in the hula line behind Blair! I'm already hypnotized by the sway of his luscious hips. --Pam L.

* * *

Date: Tue, 8 Jun 1999 22:44:34 -0500  
From: dewey and sallye heintz   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

>Waiting for Don Ho to show up with his wife Heidi, and his brothers Land and Gung.

>Ravenwing  
>(ducking behind the roast pig and poi!)<<

Criminey! I saw Don Ho back in 1967 and thought he was old then! OK, I was a teenager, _everybody_ was old! I imagine Heidi must be wife #6 by now! :-)

Now poi - would that be one finger or three finger poi? I think I'll bring some good 'ol Texas beans! I do love these virtual luaus! Can't wait to see the guys decked out in native wear! Thanks for having us over, Jane!

Sallye  
Texas Tribe

* * *

Date: Tue, 8 Jun 1999 21:23:01 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: dewey and sallye heintz   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

On Tue, 8 Jun 1999, dewey and sallye heintz wrote:

> Now poi - would that be one finger or three finger poi? I think I'll bring

Um...considering how many TS stories mention one to three fingers... Okay, something that'll stay on a potato chip, how bout that? (We'll have a really good mango salsa, too, if you don't even want to think about poi.)

> some good 'ol Texas beans! I do love these virtual luaus! Can't wait to  
> see the guys decked out in native wear! Thanks for having us over, Jane!

Oh, good! Any pork in the beans? If so, they go on the pig table -- if they're veggie, they go on the table with the tofu pig and the cherimoya-pineapple salad.

Oooh, nice curl, Jim! Rode that comber all the way in, grinning like an idiot. That wetsuit doesn't hurt the eyes, either...

Jane M.

* * *

Date: Tue, 8 Jun 1999 19:48:39 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"  
To: Ann-Margret Parke   
Subject: Re: Senad: new thought

On Tue, 8 Jun 1999, Ann-Margret Parke wrote:

> Mmmmmm, tofu pig -- My favourite -- Can I have orange  
> flavoured?

I'll whip up a nice orange sauce to go with all the lovely tropical fruits, with maybe just a teeny zing of hot pepper sauce to make it interesting without burning your mouth off. Offer that, and teriyaki, and some Red Bull for classic 'cue fanciers, and keep the sauce dishes segregated from the sauce dishes for the real pig roasting at the other spit.

'Course, the veggies have a much more creative spread of produce and snacks at their end...

Jane

digging the pit and rounding up a volleyball net

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 18:38:31 EDT  
From: JENCAT  
Subject: Re: Luau! (was: Senad: Meerkat Sentinels )

Even tho no one will eat it, may I suggest that we use Dean Valentine for the roasted pig? :) I volunteer to get the apple from Snow White to cram down his throat!

Jenny, who will take pics of the proceedings....

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 00:29:56 -0500  
From: dewey and sallye heintz   
To: "Jane E. Mailander"   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

>> Now poi - would that be one finger or three finger poi? I think I'll bring

>Um...considering how many TS stories mention one to three fingers... Okay, something that'll stay on a potato chip, how bout that? (We'll have a really good mango salsa, too, if you don't even want to think about poi.)<<

One finger poi is really thick, and is eatten with the middle finger. It's considered the best. 3 finger poi is runny. I never developed a taste for poi, tasted a lot like mud to me. Now, the mango salsa sounds pretty darned good. I need a taste test!

>> some good 'ol Texas beans! I do love these virtual luau's! Can't wait to see the guys decked out in native wear! Thanks for having us over, Jane!

>Oh, good! Any pork in the beans? If so, they go on the pig table -- if  
>they're veggie, they go on the table with the tofu pig and the  
>cherimoya-pineapple salad.<<

The beans are usually pinto, but then there are a few who use red beans. And there's a thousand different ways to cook them. What the hell, I'll make both kinds, with and without meat.

>Oooh, nice curl, Jim! Rode that comber all the way in, grinning like an idiot. That wetsuit doesn't hurt the eyes, either...

The water's so warm, he won't need a wetsuit! But then, do you think he'd like the baggy suits guys wear now? Slung way down low on his hips... Oh dear! I seemed to have drooled on myself. I'll go round up some of my classmates for Island music.

Sallye

* * *

Date: Tue, 8 Jun 1999 21:15:07 -0700 (PDT) From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: deka   
Subject: Re: Senad: Meerkat Sentinels (article in the NY Times)

On Tue, 8 Jun 1999, deka wrote:

> I'll bring the deviled eggs!

Great, love 'em! Put 'em on that table, with the pig -- the vegetarian table is going to be vegan, just to make sure no feelings get hurt.

Lessee, Ravenwing's in charge of the limbo contest, I'm running around checking food, Jim's waxing his surfboard, Mack Wolfe's giving hula lessons, Blair's trying to start a conga line, Simon's just reeled in a spectacular mahi mahi for the grill, H and Rafe are throwing a frisbee with Nui and Kimo -- what job do you want?

Jane M.

* * *

Date: Tue, 08 Jun 1999 23:32:35 -0500  
From: deka   
To: "Jane E. Mailander"   
Subject: Re: Senad: Meerkat Sentinels (article in the NY Times)

> [W]hat job do you want?

I guess I could step up as Life Guard, I was one as a teen, still remember how. Oh and I guess, I can grill the corn, gotta have grilled corn on the cob on the beach, or if someone has a big enough iron pot, we could do a beach gumbo too! Yum, every one goes looking, fish crab, etc, chop em up and toss them in the pot with sea water. Let em boil, with some fresh veggies and onions, a little garlic, mmmmmmmm smells great tastes even better!

Tricia

* * *

Date: Tue, 8 Jun 1999 23:23:34 -0700  
From: Linda Septer   
Subject: Re: Senad: Meerkat Sentinels (article in the NY Times)

>[W]hat job do you want?

I wanna be the girl in charge of the guys' leis.

<oh, stop groaning>

**LOL!**

Linda

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 00:34:38 -0400  
From: lisa germain-lacroix   
To: "Jane E. Mailander"   
Subject: Re: Senad: Meerkat Sentinels (article in the NY Times)

>[W]hat job do you want?

I wanna be second in the conga line!

Ismaro

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 17:54:16 -0700 (PDT)  
From: allison french   
To: lisa germain-lacroix   
Subject: Re: Senad: My Computer is Glitching

Personally, I think you just hit the wrong button. You _were_ in a conga line, weren't you? And didn't I see _both_ hands around Blair's waist?

No wonder your post didn't show. <g>

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 18:32:48 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: lisa germain-lacroix   
Subject: Luau! (was: Senad: My Computer is Glitching)

On Wed, 9 Jun 1999, lisa germain-lacroix wrote:

> Oh, thank you. It predated the claim of someone else to the spot, but it  
> just didn't arrive there on time. So which of us is first in line behind  
> Blair? MEEEEEEEE!!!!

Yup, it's _your_ hands planted on that cute little grass-covered keister of Blair's as he demonstrates the Fiji Fertility Dance.

Jane M.

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 08:24:30 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "S. Mallet [AKA Marmoset]"   
Subject: Re: Senad: Meerkat Sentinels (article in the NY Times)

I want to relax, sit on a blankee, and take notes.

\--Marmoset

* * *

Date: Tue, 08 Jun 1999 23:50:17 -0700  
From: Barbara Garrett   
Subject: Re: Senad: Luau

Can I just sit around and watch the scene drinking a fruity beverage? I'm usually a wallflower, and I think in this sitch that would be the best angle to watch the action.

Oh, I know, I'll take care of the video camera to make sure this is all preserved for the future. Something funny has GOT to happen at some point.

Barbara G.

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 00:11:23 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: Linda Septer   
Subject: Luau! (was: Senad: Meerkat Sentinels )

On Tue, 8 Jun 1999, Linda Septer wrote:

> I wanna be the girl in charge of the guys' leis.

All right, which means you drape flower garlands over every newcomer and give them a kiss. Tough job, but someone's gotta do it.

Deka's got a pot of beach gumbo going -- Simon donated his mahi mahi's head for the stock, and a couple of steaks to chop into the stew -- and is keeping an eye out for any swimmers in trouble as our lifeguard. Yes, we know Jim's got a knack for that kind of work, but he's taking the day off -- whoa! he and his board just shot straight into the air and back down into the wave! -- and it's such fun to watch him enjoying himself. (Judging from the dreamy look on Blair's face, we're not the only ones who think so.)

Bitchin! I didn't know H could play a Caribbean steel drum! He's good...

Jane M.

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 06:55:40 -0400  
From: Angie T   
Subject: Re: Senad: Meerkat Sentinels (article in the NY Times)

Can I be the Cabana Girl?? Pleeeze??

Angie T.

* * *

Date: Tue, 08 Jun 1999 21:54:41 -0400  
From: Kathy E-M   
Subject: Senad: Virtual Luau

Jane E. Mailander wrote:

> [W]hat job do you want?

I'm bringing a gallon of coconut butter. I want the job of slathering all that lovely acreage of male flesh...

Whaddayu mean I can't use my tongue?

Hey, even listadmins gotta drool and dream... <g>

\--  
K'Kathy

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 00:09:47 -0500  
From: Deb   
To: Linda Septer   
Subject: Re: Senad: Meerkat Sentinels (article in the NY Times)

Jane said;  
> >[W]hat job do you want?

I'll volunteer to keep them all well lathered up with sun lotion. No burned sensitive spots, please!

Deb

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 02:41:20 EDT  
From: MelSharon  
Subject: Re: Senad: Luau

I wanna be the one who greases them all up with suntan lotion! <waving frantically> <bounce bounce> I can handle it! I swear! <bg>

Shar

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 00:20:35 -0500  
From: Deb   
Subject: Re: Senad: Meerkat Sentinels (article in the NY Times)

Deb wrote:

> I'll volunteer to keep them all well lathered up with sun lotion. No > burned sensitive spots, please!

Well, rats. K'Kathy beat me to it and Ravenwing is assisting her so I'm out of luck there.... I know. I'll stand by with my sable hair brush and make sure no sand gets in ...delicate areas. :-)

Deb

* * *

Date: Tue, 8 Jun 1999 21:33:29 -0700 (PDT)  
From: allison french   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

Enjoying the beach party, but did anyone else notice something odd about Jim's wetsuit?

The hole? In the rear? What a view!

allison,

now if Blair would just put a hole in the front of his....but dammit, he wears at least three!

Date: Tue, 8 Jun 1999 23:38:58 -0700  
From: Linda Septer   
To: allison french   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

> wears at least three!

!!!!!!

 _Three_?! That's my kinda man.  <eg>

you know what they say, "one in the hand is worth..." (uh, never mind).

Linda <tongue in cheek> up to you, to guess whose.

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 00:18:20 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: allison french   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

On Tue, 8 Jun 1999, allison french wrote:

> Enjoying the beach party, but did anyone else notice something odd about  
> Jim's wetsuit?  
>  
> The hole? In the rear? What a view!  
>  
> allison,  
> now if Blair would just put a hole in the front of his....but dammit, he  
> wears at least three!

Since we're in a tropical zone (oops, forgot to mention it's being held on Maui), it's warm enough for us to see _Anthropologicus guppicus_ in his natural plumage -- a grass skirt, a red hibiscus firmly parked behind the ear that says "I'm taken," and a strand of pooka shells around one ankle.

He's seen the hole. Omigod, that is _not_ a tuft of grass sticking up from the skirt!

Jane M.

* * *

Date: Tue, 08 Jun 1999 23:52:56 -0500  
From: deka   
To: allison french   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

Now allison, put down that torch, Blair's grass skirt might catch fire don't want to burn him. Just a min ok, I brought something to fix it with.

Now Tex, just back away from Jim that tiny hole in his suit does not need enlarging, especially with a knife that size!

Now just hang on guys, we aren't gonna hurt ya see scissors! <g> snip snip see Blair now you can move easier, guys always wear short ones. <EG> No really honest and truly they always wear em that way!

Tricia

* * *

Date: Tue, 8 Jun 1999 21:55:10 -0700 (PDT)  
From: allison french   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

Oh my God! Deka, you cut his skirt....jeesh, what _was_ that?

Did you all see that snake in the grass?

oh, wait. that was Blair. ooops. sorry.

allison,  
who is wishing Blair didn't have eyes for only Jim, she'd like a peek at that "snake in the grass ~ skirt."

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 00:58:36 EDT  
From: Wicce26  
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

In a message dated 6/8/99 9:56:34 PM Pacific Daylight Time, deka writes:

<< Now Tex, just back away from Jim that tiny hole in his suit does not need enlarging, especially with a knife that size! >>

<hides knife behind back> Why pick on me? Kathy's the one licking Jim and Blair! Of course, they don't seem to mind...

Tex, off to offer her tongue

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 01:08:06 +0000  
From: Ravenwing   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

Wicce wrote:

> Tex, off to offer her tongue

Me too! Me too! I just love the taste of coconut butter! <g>

Ravenwing, who's saying bye bye to her diet

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 01:09:47 EDT  
From: Wicce26  
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

In a message dated 6/8/99 10:08:34 PM Pacific Daylight Time, ravnwing writes:

<< Me too! Me too! I just love the taste of coconut butter! <g>

Ravenwing, who's saying bye bye to her diet >>

Oh, don't worry. You'll get plenty of exercise at the post-luau orgy.

Tex

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 01:20:40 +0000  
From: Ravenwing   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

Wicce wrote:

> Oh, don't worry. You'll get plenty of exercise at the post-luau orgy.  
>  
> Tex

Great. Looking forward to getting lei'd!

Ravenwing  
(ducking again)

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 00:13:30 -0500  
From: deka   
To: Wicce26  
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

Wicce26 wrote:  
> Tex, off to offer her tongue

I Have a Tongue <BEG>.....Hey wait up!! I'll help!!

Tricia

* * *

Date: Tue, 8 Jun 1999 22:06:19 -0700 (PDT)  
From: allison french   
Subject: Re: Senad: Virtual Luau

Does anyone have a video camera? We really need pictures of this...isn't that Jim, trying to tame that snake in the grass?

Oh, my God, he's eating it.

Anyone bring a camera? This definitely qualifies as a Kodak moment.....

allison,  
who's heard via the grapevine that snake is really tasty!

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 00:26:55 -0500  
From: deka  
To: allison french  
Subject: Re: Senad: Virtual Luau

I got one right here, ohhhh, definitely a Kodak Gold moment! 35 mm panorama or slide, or photos hey are you sure that's Jim ? It sorta looks like that other guy, isn't that Jim on the waves out there?

Tricia

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 07:18:32 -0400  
From: Angie T   
Subject: Re: Senad: Virtual Luau

deka wrote:

> I got one right here, ohhhh, definitely a Kodak Gold moment! 35 mm  
> panorama or slide, or photos hey are you sure that's Jim?

I think you're going to need panorama... that's a BIG snake!!!

Angie t.

* * *

Date: Tue, 8 Jun 1999 22:26:41 -0700  
From: Duranee   
Subject: Re: Senad: Virtual Luau

Allison wrote:

>Oh, my God, he's eating it.

Oh my gosh! I think he is! What a brave, brave man. It must be putting up one hell of a fight, the way he has to eat so much of it at the same time. And it seems to keep wriggling or trying to get away or something, because his head seems to be moving so much. Maybe that's why he's groaning?

What a guy!

Duranee (still snickering)

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 01:18:20 +0000  
From: Ravenwing   
Subject: Re: Senad: Virtual Luau

> Oh, my God, he's eating it.

Why is it that the thought of Jim going down on Blair is just the biggest turn on in the world? That big hard body down on his knees, taking in that beautiful "snake" between his lips... <sigh>

Ravenwing, who is wondering if it's too early in the morning for a cold shower.

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 12:47:22 EDT  
From: TShark  
Subject: Re: Senad: "Allison...Thank You" & Luau

>Great. Looking forward to getting lei'd!

Ravenwing  
(ducking again)>

THAT was the funniest thing I have read all week! Thanks Ravenwing.

Yes, a good old Luau. Roasting wienies on the open BBQ pit. Blair asking Jim if that's a foot long hot-dog in his pants and Jim replies "and then some."

**SURF'S UP**

Sharkey

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 00:26:30 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

Oooh. Nice view.

I'm at the table eating pig and watching the grope-fest. Best seat in the house.

Why, Rafe, you naughty boy! With Kimo? On Jim's surfboard?

Mack's chatting up Simon, who looks _really_ weirded out by a Jim clone coming on to him -- must be why he's nervously stuffing the fish down his pants in self-defense.

Jim and Blair are under the veggie table playing Put the Virgin In the Volcano.

Man, these wrap parties get wild...

Jane M.

oops, I meant _hiatus_ parties!

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 08:53:09 -0700 (PDT)  
From: Myrna Mimi   
Subject: Senad: Luau Responsibilities

After spending a week with a six year old and two three year olds, I'm afraid some bad habits have worn off on me.

I'm now following Jim around and tattling on Blair every time he flirts with someone!

Boy, am I BUSY!

Myrna!

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 12:08:06 +0000  
From: Ravenwing   
Subject: Re: Senad: Luau Responsibilities

Myrna Mimi wrote:

> I'm now following Jim around and tattling  
> on Blair every time he flirts with someone!

Thank the gods you're not tattling TO Blair, otherwise I'd be in big trouble!

Ravenwing, crawling out from behind the bushes with Jim and Mack

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 12:46:56 -0500  
From: deka   
To: Myrna Mimi   
Subject: Re: Senad: Luau Responsibilities

Flirt maybe not but there were a couple trips to the bushes with Mack and [blush] "friends" <G> ! Yep you are right Jim isn't a flirt but whew can he.....oops..um..ah..my phone's ringing better go! <G>

Tricia

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 13:10:46 -0700  
From: Duranee   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

Jane wrote:

>I'm at the table eating pig and watching the grope-fest. Best seat in  
>the house.

Should I put my mango-pineapple-lime cheesecake with the gingersnap-macademia nut-ginger crust on the table here? (<http://food.epicurious.com/run/recipe/view?id>=2320 Wait a sec...it looks like there's a piece missing. Hmm...why does Rafe have it on his lips? And why is Jim licking it off Blair's fingers? Hmmmm......

Maybe I should go and help them remove it? All of them?

What a fabulous idea Jane! <g>

Duranee (hula-ing her way over to Rafe)

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 23:03:54 +0000  
From: Ravenwing   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

seabreez wrote:

> As usual I am out here clueless on what is going on?  
> What did the whole list go to Hawaii in the middle of night while the rest  
> of us were sleeping?

The party's still going on, so jump in! Mack is trying to get everyone into a firewalking contest (YIPE!), and Jim and Blair are showing all kinds of new interesting uses for poi <g>. There's plenty of food, B is trying to limbo and Megan has taken over mixing the drinks!

Ravenwing, who's trying drink enough pina coladas to get up the courage to firewalk

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 13:26:34 -0700 (PDT)  
From: Madeira H   
Subject: Senad: RE: Virtual Luau

I know, I'm late again. Had to stop off in East Texas to get the Sugar Babies (watermelons). What the hell happened to the poi? They DID what with it?! I MISSED THAT! Did someone at least get it on tape? Good! Don't scare me like that! <VBEG>

Madeira

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 17:17:30 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
Subject: Re: Senad: "Allison...Thank You"/need info

<SNIPS>

Meanwhile, back at the luau, small crisis going on. A 2-ton bull elephant seal has flubbered up onto the beach and is now blissfully snoozing on top of Jim's surfboard. Jim and Blair are taking a little nap of their own in the big hammock off to the side of the clearing, but they're bound to notice when it's time to go home and Jim's beloved stick is covered by pinniped. Elephant seal bulls are fiercely protective of the territory they stake on land, and they are just a teensy bit bigger and nastier than Jabba the Hutt, and about as easy to move. So far, Rafe's suggestion that they tunnel under the beast to retrieve the board sounds like the only working solution.

Jane M.

having her second Flaming Banana Banzai of the evening

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 21:11:18 EDT  
From: Majicgirll  
To: mlanderj  
Subject: Re: Senad: "Allison...Thank You"/need info

Re: the Luau update: Jim's beloved stick? Believe me the first thing I thought of wasn't his surf board!

Annie

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 18:20:37 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "S. Mallet [AKA Marmoset]"   
To: Majicgirll  
Subject: Re: Senad: "Allison...Thank You"/need info

On Wed, 9 Jun 1999 Majicgirll wrote:

: Re: the Luau update: Jim's beloved stick? believe me the first thing I : thought of wasn't his surf board!

a BIG me-too on that one!!!

\---Marm.

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 20:29:14 EDT  
From: Wicce26  
Subject: Re: Senad: "Allison...Thank You"/need info

<< Elephant seal bulls are fiercely protective of the territory they stake on land, and they are just a teensy bit bigger and nastier than Jabba the Hutt, and about as easy to move. >>

So is Jim. Wake him. Tell him the seal has claimed Blair as a mate, and let them fight it out. Sure, the seal may be heavier, but I'm betting Jim has more training. Unless, of course, you're talking about a Navy seal.

Tex, plopping down next to Jane with a watermelon margarita

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 02:13:39 EDT  
From: JENCAT  
To: mlanderj  
Subject: Re: Senad: "Allison...Thank You"/need info

In a message dated 99-06-09 20:17:45 EDT, you write:

<< So far, Rafe's suggestion that they tunnel under the beast to retrieve the board sounds like the only working solution. >>

Or just grease that puppy up with all the lube everyone bought, and PUSH!!! Slip and slide time!!

Jenny

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 18:48:45 -0800  
From: GRWC   
Subject: Senad: re luau

>>Or just grease that puppy up with all the lube everyone bought, and PUSH!!!

LOL this is starting to sound like the infamous Moby Dick sperm-squeezing scene!

\--Gina,  
gathering 'round with slippery hands.

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 19:46:08 -0500  
From: Deb   
Subject: Re: Senad: "Allison...Thank You"/need info

Wicce wrote:

> Sure, the seal may be heavier, but I'm betting Jim has  
> more training. Unless, of course, you're talking about a Navy seal.

Ow! That was painful! (but brilliant! - way to go Tex!)

Deb, heading over to the hammock to make sure Jim and Blair don't have any sand chafing in those creases....

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 20:54:53 -0400  
From: "Pamela Y. Latham"   
Subject: Re: Senad: "Allison...Thank You"/need info

Tex wrote:

> Sure, the seal may be heavier, but I'm betting Jim has  
> more training. Unless, of course, you're talking about a Navy seal.

So...ahmmmm...what does the Navy seal look like? Is he as buff as Jim? Does he have a nice...tusk? And Tex? A Watermelon Margarita? I have GOT to try one!!

\--Pam L. (who's taking Jane's car keys after her 5th Flaming Banana Banzai)

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 18:38:29 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"  
Subject: Re: Senad: "Allison...Thank You"/need info

On Wed, 9 Jun 1999, Pamela Y. Latham wrote:

> \--Pam L. (who's taking Jane's car keys after her 5th Flaming Banana Banzai)

Hon, you better have taken them away after my _first_ FBB. I'm a cheap drunk -- one beer or one glass of wine and I'm grinning like a doofus.

Hm, I'm not sure how seals react with alcohol -- the last thing we need is a 2-ton mean drunk.

Jane M

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 18:30:01 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: Wicce26  
Subject: Re: Senad: "Allison...Thank You"/need info

On Wed, 9 Jun 1999 Wicce26 wrote:

> So is Jim. Wake him. Tell him the seal has claimed Blair as a mate, and let  
> them fight it out. Sure, the seal may be heavier, but I'm betting Jim has  
> more training. Unless, of course, you're talking about a Navy seal.

**WAH-HA!!!!!**

Brilliant solution! The Group Mind comes through!

Then again, Blair won't lie still and watch a couple of alpha-male bulls fight over him when there's a good chance Jim will get a nasty infectious seal-bite in the process. Thinking quickly, he grabs the barbecue tongs, scoops up Simon's grilling mahi mahi (over Simon's strenuous objections), and lures the 2-ton sack of blubber away from Jim and off Jim's board by waving the delicious-smelling fish in front of the pinniped's nose.

Now the seal has to choose between a fight and a feast.

Intent on his showdown with the elephant seal, Jim can't do more than give Megan a bad look as she snatches up Jim's surfboard and hits the waves with a war-whoop.

Jane M.

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 18:41:29 -0400  
From: seabreez   
To: Wicce26  
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

As usual I am out here clueless on what is going on? What did the whole list go to Hawaii in the middle of night while the rest of us were sleeping?

You guys are hilarious one minute, its the end of the world and the next you're out there doing the limbo with Jim and Blair! "How low can you go!" I can see the crowd cheering Blair on as the limbo stick gets lower and lower and he is still managing to wiggle his way under it!

I'll just sit back with my pina colada and drool watching Jim chase Blair into the surf. Blair running back into Jim's arm's all wet and excited and both of them doing the "From Here to Eternity" scene in the sands as the waves come up and wash over their bodies. Have to bring my video camera to get that scene on tape!

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 20:13:25 -0400  
From: seabreez   
Subject: Fw: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

> From: seabreez   
> To: ravnwing  
> Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)  
> Date: Wednesday, June 09, 1999 8:05 PM  
>  
> You go girl! meanwhile I'll watch the volleyball game going on. Rafe and  
> Megan winning the battle with Joel and Brown too winded to continue.  
> Meanwhile Blair is straddling Jim who is stretched out on the sand like a beached  
> whale after all that poi. Blair is rubbing suntan lotion on Jim's back  
> and Jim is blissfully moaning.  
>  
> Mack is chasing Alison and Wicce down the beach, squirt gun in hand. Simon  
> is giving you and Jane pointers on firewalking and I am three sheets to the  
> wind on too many pina coladas!

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 17:51:01 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Candy A."   
Subject: Re: Senad: Love, TS & trust in Cyberspace - long

Danny & Dexter  wrote:

<SNIPS>

> So, let's draw the line to "The Sentinel" - this is the TS slash  
> discussion list - so let's talk about Jim taking Blair on the beach,  
> their tanned skin covered with sand, muscles taking care of the smaller  
> body. Sweat glistens in the sun, the moans of pleasure joining the  
> sensual melody of the ocean...  
>  
> Danny ;-)

And here I am without the plastic drool guard on my keyboard... Now *that's* an image to get the old ticker going double-time... ;) Thanks, Danny. :)

Candy

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 22:26:21 -0400  
From: lisa germain-lacroix   
Subject: Luau Thread

Love the bull seal story, way behind on e-mail, suggest you write Blair proposing some kind of South Seas ritual to lure the seal back into the sea, kinda like Polynesians with sharks, only it's a female seal they're supposed to be imitating!

Write it so I can get a laugh somewhere along the way today, please? If you have room for the idea. . .

Ismaro

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 21:25:33 -0700  
From: Linda Septer   
Subject: Re: Senad: Virtual Luau

Could someone (Danny?) make a pic for me? Take the pic of Blair in his hawaiian style shirt and the one of Mack in his hawaiian style skirt (what is it called again? lava lava? <shrug>) and morph them together?

I need a little visual with my virtual.  
;)  
Linda

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 22:20:32 EDT  
From: Wicce26  
Subject: Re: Senad: "Allison...Thank You"/need info

In a message dated 6/9/99 6:30:07 PM Pacific Daylight Time, mlanderj writes:

<< lures the 2-ton sack of blubber away from Jim and off Jim's board by waving the delicious-smelling fish in front of the pinniped's nose. >>

2-ton sack of blubber?? Who the _hell_ invited Fred Phelps??? You just spoiled my tequila buzz...

...oh, wait! He's being washed out to sea. Never mind! The buzz returneth.

Tex, off to fix Pam a watermelon margarita on very shaky legs

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 22:48:17 EDT  
From: REDSOPRANO  
Subject: Re: Senad: "Allison...Thank You"/need info

In a message dated 6/9/99 8:35:13 PM Mountain Daylight Time, Wicce26 writes:

<< Tex, off to fix Pam a watermelon margarita on very shaky legs >>

Would you make me one, too, Tex? Only I prefer strong-legged margaritas. <g>

Susan  
(who takes her margaritas like her Sentinels--strong-legged and sweet)

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 22:59:23 EDT  
From: Majicgirll  
Subject: Senad: luau, luau, oh baby!!

Just sitting here in my lounge chair under the palms watching the festivities, sipping on a frozen margarita and reading the latest Watchman zine. Doesn't get any better than this! The conga line was a blast, Jim was absolutely salivating watching Blair in that grass skirt teaching us the Fiji Fertility Dance. I guess it must have worked because as soon as Blair was done, Jim dragged him off and we havn't seen them since!

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 23:07:00 -0400  
From: "Pamela Y. Latham"   
Subject: Re: Senad: "Allison...Thank You"/need info

>In a message dated 6/9/99 8:35:13 PM Mountain Daylight Time, Wicce26  
>writes:  
>  
><< Tex, off to fix Pam a watermelon margarita on very shaky legs >>  
>  
>Would you make me one, too, Tex? Only I prefer strong-legged margaritas.  
<g> >  
>Susan  
>(who takes her margaritas like her Sentinels--strong-legged and sweet)

Whoa, Susan!!! I'm scared of you! I'm gonna take your keys too, as soon as Mack and I return from our little walk along the beach. His grass skirt got a little singed, when he helped Blair defend Jim's honor against that 2 ton seal, a.k.a. Fred Phelps. So, we're just going to go and make sure that the fire is...ah... completely out. --Pam L. (Say, these watermelon margaritas aren't bad!!!)

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 22:16:52 -0500  
From: dewey and sallye heintz   
Subject: Senad: re: virtual luau

Ravenwing wrote:

>>The party's still going on, so jump in! Mack is trying to get everyone into a firewalking contest (YIPE!), and Jim and Blair are showing all kinds of new interesting uses for poi <g>. There's plenty of food, B is trying to limbo and Megan has taken over mixing the drinks!<<

Gads, don't let Blair too close to the firewalking in that grass skirt! The burns would be horrendous!

Sallye

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 23:28:28 EDT  
From: REDSOPRANO  
Subject: Re: Senad: "Allison...Thank You"/need info

In a message dated 6/9/99 9:19:48 PM Mountain Daylight Time, lathampy writes:

<< Whoa, Susan!!! I'm scared of you! I'm gonna take your keys too, as soon as

Noooo!!! You can't cut me off until I've had at least one Fuzzy Blair! (Peach Schnapps, Champagne and Fountain water)

Susan  
(Wondering how one would make a Simon-colada...)

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 02:28:29 EDT  
From: JENCAT  
To: seabreez  
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

In a message dated 99-06-09 21:42:12 EDT, you write:

<< Jim chase Blair  
into the surf. Blair running back into Jim's arm's all wet and excited and both of them doing the "From Here to Eternity" scene in the sands as the waves come up and wash over their bodies. >>

Sigh....life is so beautiful.....

Jenny, planning the luau with VIGOR!!

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 20:48:53 -0700 (PDT)  
From: allison french   
To: seabreez   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

You know, Seabreeze, that "From Here To Eternity" scene would have had a much greater impact for _both_ Jim and Blair had they _not_ been surrounded by at least twenty drooling women, all with cameras/videos, clicking and humming away.

Uh, not to mention the "egging" on.....

"A little to his left, Jim, I can't quite get _all_ of you in the shot...."

"Uh, Jim, could you cum one more time? I ran out of film just as you screamed."

"You did _bring_ the nipple ring, didn't you Blair?"

"Hey, Blair, toss your head to the left this time. The sun catches your hair _just_ right and turns it all golden."

"Jim, can't you suck harder? The poor guy is panting here."

"Yeah, _twist_ those nipples Blair, remember, he's a sentinel."

"Maybe _you_ want to see Blair's face during penetration, but _we_ want to see two gorgeous butts."

"Aw, Jim, couldn't you say it at least once? Just for us? Come on, say it, say, "Mine," please?"

And last but not least:

"And just how long _does_ a tube of lube last for you guys? And what's your favorite flavor?"

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 20:22:34 -0400  
From: seabreez   
To: allison french   
Subject: Re: Senad: Life Imitating Art (again)

> You know, Seabreeze, that "From Here To Eternity" scene would have had a  
> much greater impact for _both_ Jim and Blair had they _not_ been  
> surrounded by at least twenty drooling women, all with cameras/videos,  
> clicking and humming away.

My gosh woman! The camera equipment would melt with those scenes! Remember Blair doesn't like an audience when he "eats"....

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 21:41:22 -0700  
From: Brighid   
Subject: Re: Senad: luau, luau, oh baby!!

So, I've been sitting in the shade because baby, I burn worse than the pig at the luau -- but now the sun's gone down, I'm offering around Virgin Strawberry Daquiris (man, I wanna be ALERT so I don't miss anything) and then -- I'm offering back rubs and scritches. I'm often sought out by friends and co-workers, and, hey, isn't that ..., yeah, it's Jim.

I'll be glad to work that crick out of your neck. How'd you get it?

Oh.

Mmmmm.

Oh-hoh!

<big grin>

Well, at least you had fun.

(I do feet and scalp massages, too. Not a professional, just an amateur!) ---  
-Brighid

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 21:58:30 -0700 (PDT)  
From: Erilyn   
Subject: Senad: Re: luau, luau, oh baby!!

Majicgirll wrote:

<snip>

>>>>>The conga line was a blast, Jim was absolutely salivating watching Blair in that grass skirt teaching us the Fiji Fertility Dance. I guess it must have worked because as soon as Blair was done, Jim dragged him off and we havn't seen them since!<<<<<

Well, I finally make it to the party, and arrive almost empty-handed. But it's not my fault, honest! I was walking through the trees, and Jim suddenly appeared and 'borrowed' the chocolate mousse I'd made. And like I'm going to be able to stop a 6-foot naked chocolate addict like Jim when my powers of speech had deserted me. Though I wouldn't mind trying out his suggestion that the best way to eat the stuff is off Blair <bg>.

I still have the raspberry mousse, if anyone wants some. Now, who's got the daiquiris?

Erilyn  
who would have arrived sooner, but was sidetracked into another fandom after seeing The Phantom Menace <drool>.

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 23:57:21 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
Subject: Luau -- the Seal Difficulty

The 2-ton pile of blubber (whom everyone is calling "Fred") has shuffled off Jim's board and snapped up Simon's mahi mahi that Blair threw to him.

Problem over, right?

Wrong.

Fred wasn't as asleep as everyone thought while Blair was teaching the Fiji Fertility Dance to his conga constituents. And elephant seals have keen senses of smell. Fred has now fixated on Blair. He's about the right size for a seal cow, if the wrong shape, he's got all the right moves, and he smells of sex. Fred starts herding Blair away from the other partygoers so he can establish mating rights.

Blair backs away from the mammoth pinniped -- they can move frighteningly fast when they want to, and seals leave nasty bites -- cursing himself for going through this to save Jim's damn _surfboard_. He's trying not to remember that seal cow on the NOVA special that got crushed to death by the mating bull.

Other partygoers follow, nervous. Jim's ready to kill Fred -- Blair's safety is at stake -- but another suggestion is made by the Cascade coroner.

Dan Wolf, who after two helpings of pork was able to establish cause and time of death for the roast pig, remembers his grandpa demonstrating how the Inuit used to hunt seal. "It's been a few years," he admits. "But here goes."

Fred, intent on the strange-looking seal cow in the grass skirt who smells ready to mate despite the hard-to-get routine, doesn't notice anything at first. But when he does, he's smitten, hard and fast.

Another seal cow has appeared -- and this one looks right! She's humping her round body across the sand, uttering alluring little barks. She pauses to scratch her lice with one slender flipper. She cranes her neck and bares her teeth in a friendly display. She's signaled that she's ready to mate.

With a roar of lust Fred abandons Grass-skirt and follows the new cow, who responds by rearing up and racing across the sand like those two-legged creatures. Straight into the water she goes, and so goes Fred. But by the time Fred's gotten past the breakers, the cow is nowhere to be seen. She's not on land any more, it's only those two-legs. Fred heads for open water, still looking for her.

Back at the picnic table, a shaky Blair offers Dan Wolf all the mai tais he can keep down, and congratulates him on his seal impression. Dan forms his hand into a seal-flipper and scratches his lice again, grinning. Jim makes some smart-ass comment about Dan's display and Blair's knack for attracting the wrong kind of women -- but when Dan returns to his office on Monday he will find on his desk a ticket to the sold-out Van Gogh exhibit at the Cascade Art Museum.

Jane M.

ork ork!

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 09:50:31 +0000  
From: Ravenwing   
Subject: Re: Senad: Luau -- the Seal Difficulty

What the hell were you smoking last night and could you send me some?

Ravenwing

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 19:50:51 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: Ravenwing <ravnwing  
Subject: Re: Senad: Luau -- the Seal Difficulty

> What the hell were you smoking last night and can you get me some?

Smoking? Moi?

That, my dear, is the result of imagination, the Discovery Channel, and the book INUK (written in the 1950's about Inuit life in the 1930's).

Now if I'd done something _really_ weird, like Blair goes out to try Jim's board and he gets abducted by mermaids...

Jane M.

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 10:08:52 +0000  
From: Ravenwing   
Subject: Senad: Luau

It's getting nuts out here folks!

The firewalking's finished. Very pleased that I seem to have asbestos feet and didn't burn myself (YEAH!). The high point was when Blair jumped in, going on how this was a sacred rite that he did in India when he was six. We were all helping him get his grass skirt up so that it wouldn't accidently catch fire. He looked so cute running across the red coals, legs pistoning up and down, those cute white buns flashing in the firelight. It didn't take too much coaxing for Jim to go chasing after him (gee, wonder why <g>).

Okay, Simon's given up on fishing with the loss of his prized mahi mahi (and let me tell you that man is just so cute when he's trying not to cry!). To cheer himself up he and Mack are trying to convince everyone to go skinny dipping with them. Rafe and B are already in the water and I think I saw Jenny and Tex running in to join them.

Ravenwing, who lost her inhibitions about six pina coladas ago as is running for the water, shucking off her bathing suit as she goes!

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 20:46:05 -0400  
From: seabreez   
To: Ravenwing   
Subject: Re: Senad: Luau

> From: Ravenwing   
> > Subject: Senad: Luau  
> Date: Thursday, June 10, 1999 6:08 AM  
>  
> Ravenwing, who lost her inhibitions about six pina coladas ago as is  
> running for the water, shucking off her bathing suit as she goes!

As Ravenwing runs into the surf sans bathing suit, Rafe ever the vigilant life guard goes plunging into the water to save her.

Meanwhile Jim has caught up to Blair. Doing his best caveman impression he trys to haul Blair over his shoulder but gets a mouth full of straw. Blair falls on his rear in the sand laughing too hard to care. It seems he has been sampling too many of the assorted drinks, espcially those darn pina coladas. Jim yanks him off the sand, rips off the straw skirt and throws him over his shoulder heading up the beach back to their private bungalo. Away from all those cameras!

Mack has invited you all on his yacht for a little moonlight excursion. Brown and Joel tagging along.

Megan and Simon are oblivious to what is going on. They are slow dancing to soft song on the radio.

I am still sipping on my pina colada sampling all the good eats you people left to rot on the table!

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 12:48:36 EDT  
From: Wicce26  
Subject: Re: Senad: Luau

<taps Jane on the shoulder with drunken insistence> Shcuse me, Chane, bu' we havva prollem. <blinks to clear fuzzy vision> <shakes head to clear fuzzy speech> Jane, you gotta do something about Rafe. He jumped into the pool wearing one of those stupid plastic shark fins and is ripping women's bikini tops off yelling, "Pool shark!"

And Lash keeps following me around giving me the ol' hairy eyeball. Measuring my hair length, asking me where I buy my clothes...it's creepy!

And I don't like the way Alex is looking at Blair, then at the pool...Blair...pool.

<drunken snort> Yeah, but at least we don't have to worry about the cops busting us-they're all here!

Tex, off to dunk Blair. Wet Guppy....mmmmmmmm

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 15:27:03 EDT  
From: TShark  
Subject: Re: Senad: Luau woes

In a message dated 6/10/99 10:02:52 AM Pacific Daylight Time, Wicce26 writes:

<< And I don't like the way Alex is looking at Blair, then at the pool...Blair...pool. >>

Yep, Tex I noticed that too. Did you catch the evil grin she shot at Jim?

And where is Ellison anyway? Last time I saw him, he was sipping a pina colada, slipping Leis around everyone's neck and was leading the conga line through the bushes.

Sharkey  
who is waiting to get lei'd by Jim

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 14:59:15 -0500  
From: deka   
To: TShark  
Subject: Re: Senad: Luau woes

TShark wrote:

> Sharkey  
> who is waiting to get lei'd by Jim

Tricia sitting here with a great big smile on her face cause she already did! And I thought Blair had all the moves! Whew somebody want to pass me another drink? My bones have melted!

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 20:09:41 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: Wicce26  
Subject: Re: Senad: Luau

On Thu, 10 Jun 1999 Wicce wrote:

> <taps Jane on the shoulder with drunken insistence> Shcuse me, Chane, bu' we  
> havva prollem. <blinks to clear fuzzy vision> <shakes head to clear fuzzy  
> speech> Jane, you gotta do something about Rafe. He jumped into the pool  
> wearing one of those stupid plastic shark fins and is ripping women's bikini  
> tops off yelling, "Pool shark!"

Holy _crap_.

Who brought a friggin' _POOL_ to the party???!!!!!

But there it is. Just up the slope from the beach someone has plunked down an Olympic-size mass of concrete and chlorine. In fact, it looks like half of Cascade PD and Honolulu PD are splashing around yelling "Marco!" "Polo!"

Virtual luaus -- no expenses spared. Gotta love it.

Pool shark, eh?

Fortunately, Simon has given up on surf-fishing and he's mad enough to go trawling for pool shark. Um, Simon, no harpoons, just the net, please....

> And Lash keeps following me around giving me the ol' hairy eyeball. Measuring  
> my hair length, asking me where I buy my clothes...it's creepy!

Lash? But we invited Don Ho to...OH MY GOD!!!! That's _David Lash_ with the ukelele singing "Tiny Bubbles"!

> And I don't like the way Alex is looking at Blair, then at the  
> pool...Blair...pool.

And what the hell did she just give _Jim_ to drink? He's floating in the shallow end yelling for Incacha...

Jane M.

Sentinel enhancer, my ass -- she just gave Jim a Flaming Banana Banzai.

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 16:06:49 EDT  
From: Majicgirll  
Subject: Senad: Luau Luau... Oh Baby!!!

Jane M wrote, " Dan Wolf, who after two helpings of pork was able to establish cause and time of death for the roast pig," LOL!!!!! Wow, terrific way to relax after a day at work, reading about what's been happening at the Luau today! Think I'll just take my supersize coffee coolatta and wander over to that thar hammock for some R+R. Oh darn, it's occupied..... oh my god, I had no idea two guys could do THAT in a hammock! Hey Jim, Blair smile!! click click click...

Annie- who's usually not this fond of the beach!

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 20:59:49 -0400  
From: Angie T   
Subject: Senad: what happened to the luau??

Majicgirll wrote:

> Annie- who's wondering what happened to the Luau, did everyone go out for  
> breakfast and not tell me?

I don't think anyone is thinking about breakfast yet. There's a tangle of arms and legs in the hammock, I think I see Tex's hair in there somewhere!

Jim and Blair I haven't seen for hours -- they were sneaking toward the trees.

Rafe and some blonde (can't see her face) are under the vegan table, wrapped in the tablecloth. I hear plenty of interesting noises coming from the Cabana, but to honest, I'm a little scared to go in there!

Simon, well -- Simon is snuggling next to me, keeping me warm!!

Angie T.  
(who wouldn't do more than snuggle -- honest!!)

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 23:00:09 +0000  
From: Ravenwing   
Subject: Re: Senad: Luau -- the Seal Difficulty

Jane E. Mailander wrote:

> Now if I'd done something _really_ weird, like Blair goes out to try Jim's  
> board and he gets abducted by mermaids...

Oh no, mermaids! Jim! Blair's just been kidnapped!

Okay, I've rounded up Jim and Mack and Simon, and Brown's going to find Rafe. Get on your swim fins girls, 'cause I'm leadin' a posse!

Mount up (no pun intended) and let's go!

Ravenwing

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 22:29:58 -0500  
From: deka  
To: Ravenwing   
Subject: Re: Senad: Luau -- the Seal Difficulty

I've strapped on my goggles and am ready to go, where is a good spear when ya need it! Ya anybody got some scuba gear if they take our guppy under, Jim, slow down big guy we'll get em!

Tricia

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 07:32:04 -0400  
From: Victoria   
Subject: Senad: Saving the Luau

Is someone saving all the posts? I deleted some without reading them (way too much in the mailbox). Maybe they could be saved as a special Tidbit file? Please, please.

and can someone explain what the heck poi is?

* * *

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 21:17:46 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: Victoria   
Subject: Re: Senad: Saving the Luau

On Thu, 10 Jun 1999, Victoria wrote:

> Is someone saving all the posts? I deleted some without reading them (way  
> too much in the mailbox). Maybe they could be saved as a special Tidbit  
> file? Please, please.

I'm saving the luau posts and will reassemble them when and if the party ends.

> and can someone explain what the heck poi is?

Mashed cooked taro root. Slightly less tasty than whipped soggy cardboard, or so I'm told.

Jane M.

refilling the mango salsa bowl

* * *

Date: Fri, 11 Jun 1999 00:41:10 EDT  
From: Wicce26  
Subject: Re: Senad: Luau (fwd)

In a message dated 6/10/99 9:29:52 PM Pacific Daylight Time, mlanderj writes:

<< Just up the slope from the beach someone has plunked down an Olympic-size mass of concrete and chlorine >>

Speaking of chlorine, someone should dump some more in. The water nearest Brown is a mite _warmer_ than the rest, if you catch my meaning.

And I know Jim's drunk, but this is the third time he's staggered up to me and giggled, "Pull my finger!" I _hate_ it when people steal my material!

Finally, I like a joke as well as the next guy, but someone needs to tell Brackett that releasing the Ebola virus in the sauna is just plain poor hygiene. It's all fun and games until someone loses their ability to coagulate.

I think what this wingding needs is more alcohol.

Tex, off to Fat Tony's Warehouse Liquors

* * *

Date: Fri, 11 Jun 1999 13:01:35 -0700 (PDT)  
From: Madeira H   
Subject: Senad: RE: Virtual Luau

This is what happens when my brain is fried and I'm feeling silly.

"Where have you been Madeira?"

"I wanted to have a little talk with Alex."

"Weren't you wearing a blue sundress earlier?"

"Uhhhhhh, no."

"Where's Alex?"

"She had to leave."

"Is that blood on Penburg?"

"No it's ahhhh pico de gallo."

===  
Madeira

* * *

Date: Fri, 11 Jun 1999 16:40:40 -0700 (PDT)  
From: Helmboy   
To: "Jane E. Mailander"   
Subject: Re: Howdy Do!

"Jane E. Mailander"  wrote:  
> Good to see you back -- you came back just in time  
> for the luau!

I guess you could call it poi-fect timing. ;0)

Helmboy, off to beat her own butt for that one. :-D

* * *

Date: Fri, 11 Jun 1999 16:48:06 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: Helmboy   
Subject: Re: Howdy Do!

On Fri, 11 Jun 1999, Helmboy wrote:

> I guess you could call it poi-fect timing. ;0)  
>  
> Helmboy, off to beat her own butt for that one. :-D

Oh, don't beat your own butt, you'll go blind! Here, have Blair beat your butt for you! While Jim takes pictures...

Heh heh heh -- this is one luau Frankie and Annette would run screaming from. Beach Party Butt-Pirates!

Jane M.

* * *

Date: Fri, 11 Jun 1999 16:42:08 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: Emerald   
Subject: Re: Senad: YES, she can form an opinion!!

Whee!!!

Good to hear from you!

Lie back on the cabana lounge chair with a watermelon margarita and I'll send Blair over in a grass skirt to do the Back Healing dance ritual. Maybe I can get Rafe to rub your feet, it'll keep him out of trouble.

Jane M.

Luau still going!

* * *

Date: Fri, 11 Jun 1999 22:38:22 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: Akito Hayama   
Subject: Re: Senad: Why I like stories.

<SNIPS>  
Jane M.

watching Mack add more vodka to his barbecue sauce while Rafe and H make sand-angels

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 18:17:44 EDT  
From: JENCAT  
Subject: Re: Senad: Virtual Luau

Okay, that does it!! The next slash get-together at my house in a few weeks has now GOT to have a Luau theme!!

Anyone who wants to come is invited! I live in California, about 24 mile SE of SanFrancisco. Email me off list, and we'll organize this sucker!!! (Date is still undecided, but it IS happening!)

Oooo, suckers.......

Jenny, who will have the drinks be this new stuff called "Cascade Clear", which, even tho it comes in one of those bottles that you SUCK on, the drink itself appears to have no protein.....

Damn, I made even myself blush with that one! Snerk!!

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 18:00:27 -0500  
From: deka   
To: JENCAT004  
Subject: Re: Luau! (was: Senad: Meerkat Sentinels )

LOL great idea!

Tricia

* * *

Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 19:08:42 -0700  
From: Rosemary Delvecchio   
To: JENCAT  
Subject: Re: Senad: Virtual Luau

JENCAT wrote:

> Okay, that does it!! The next slash get-together at my house in a few weeks  
> has now GOT to have a Luau theme!!

Can't come, wrong coast. But I'm sure others will agree with me on this about the luau ----

WE WANT PICTURES!!!!! I hope you can get lifesize cut-outs of Jim & Blair and put grass skirts on them. I'm sure I have some of those fake paper accordian pineapples around here I can send you <g>........

* * *

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 16:55:19 -0700 (PDT)  
From: "Jane E. Mailander"   
To: JENCAT  
Subject: Re: Senad: new discussion

On Wed, 9 Jun 1999 JENCAT wrote:

> Jenny, who thinks perhaps the SFBAS get-together at her house should now  
> be a luau!!!

Ooh, I'm all for that! A little Hawaiian music (I've got a great CD), gaudy horrific shirts, crank up the Beach Boys, eps of OWW playing in the background, sugar cane and poi (my produce store has both)...

Jane M.

So, does Kikkoman make a tofu pig?

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya...

* * *

Date: Fri, 11 Jun 1999 01:55:11 EDT  
From: JENCAT  
Subject: Senad: Luau request

Hi! Okay, the luau is GO! Gonna probably be late July.

Anyways, I have a small request. My sister can draw some of the FUNNIEST caricatures you'll ever see. She's agreed to do a life size Jim and Blair, in grass skirts, with snakes! Hee!

Since some of the people coming will also be into other fandoms, I want my sister to also draw:

Starsky and Hutch  
Bodie and Doyle  
Duncan and Methos

in tropical wear! BUT, I need pics! I have access to Duncan and Methos, and Starsky and Hutch, but I need some pics of Bodie and Doyle. Would anyone out there who has pics be willing to send me a few photocopies, so she can tell what they look like? I'd really appreciate it!

Ooo, dis gonna be FUN, mon!!

Jenny, stoking up on Pina Colada supplies....

* * *

* * *

* * *

Thus ended the first Senad Virtual Luau, with the promise of a real one coming soon.

Everyone had a good time and those looking for sexual adventure were rewarded, with the exception of Fred the elephant seal. Simon was miffed at losing his prize mahi mahi, but cheered up considerably after his moonlit dance with Megan.

The only injuries suffered were hangovers, indigestion, sore genitals, and some blistered feet from the firewalking. Due to the diligence of our eager suntan-oil purveyors, not one sunburn was reported by any partygoer during the course of a four-day lua u. Kudos to those hard-working women who smell like cocoa butter and who won't stop smiling!

It's true Alex Barnes disappeared from the poolside not long before Madeira reappeared with red "pico de gallo" stains on her blue sundress, but the general consensus is that the blonde Sentinel left the party early to wait in line for PHANTOM MENACE. (F or some reason, however, she left her rental car and her purse behind.)

Thanks to all participants and readers -- this couldn't have come together without your contributions. May this be the first luau of many for ourselves and our friends!

Jane Mailander

burying the pig carcass, dousing the coals, stuffing trash into the can, waking up Mack & Rafe from under the table, shaking sand out of her hair

* * *

End The Senad Virtual Luau.

 


End file.
